Monday, March 5, 2012

Doubting God

My eyes had been doing great, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was about to happen. The irritation around my eyes didn't make the situation any better, either. And while I waited for an opportunity to pray for my aunt, my doubt wouldn't allow me. I felt itchy, embarrassed, and nervous. In fact, I was so busy focusing on my fear instead of my faith, that it was hard for me to even stop. It wasn't until the evening, that I actually slowed down and listened to my heart, patiently beaconing me to pray.

After that it was easy to see how and when the enemy slipped in. But it disgusted me to think that I was a part in his game and it infuriated me to see how quickly I became a part of his lie. How fast I had fallen and how little it took.

But I also believed that He couldn't take away the experience I had with my God. So I began to build up my faith again. Confirming in my spirit that what happened to me that day was real and that the miracle did occur. And just because I let one lie settle in, did not take away what God did for me!

It was then this verse became alive in my spirit and I gave thanks for his word in my life. "But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind....That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. (James 1:6,14 NIV)

I fell back on it, clutching His promise in my hand. Engrave this truth in my life, I asked, so that I may help engrave it in some one else's.

This is for you, Oksana.

Dear God. Your healing hands are the same for me as they are for her, your grace runs just as deep, and your promise just as true. So, I know that you wouldn't bring her in this close to you, if you did not care. You would not have fought for her, if she did not matter. Because I know, she does. She has a presence about her that draws people in. She has an honesty about her that resonates around her and in her life. And when people see that, they see a transparency that is uncommon. She is a girl with a kind heart that loves to love, loves to laugh, and loves to live. Her life, is worth the very time of Satan as he tries to burden her with a list of allergies. But while he can try to destruct, I am believing on her behalf that you can heal. So, I ask that you heal her body, as fast, as quick, and as urgent as the morning her eyes swelled up and she ran to the emergency room.

Believing, Hope.

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