Friday, January 28, 2011
It all started on a day when painting got the best of me. When a quiet moment was grasped in the arms of color and when I just couldn't put the brush down. But what started as a small project progressed suddenly as I remembered the fabric that lay neatly tucked in a box, waiting for its purpose. Anxiously I pulled it out, wanting to be surprised in the mystery of the moment.
The femininity of it, was breathtaking, and in minutes I envisioned the pair together. I imagined a skirt where the bronze pearls played along side the modern birds and flowers of the print. I saw a piece that went beyond the obvious but inside all of the intricate details that had been designed so perfectly on it. And the more I looked at it, the more I was excited to create it.
Sewing, can sometimes feel therapeutic and while I wondered about purpose and design I fell in love with an idea. An idea that something with purpose can not be contained, instead it is contagious. It will in fact, take over its surroundings and inspire everything around it in a way that both easy and natural. It will in the end be noticed not by seeking attention but by being itself.
So badly I wanted to be that person. A person who can be confident about her strengths, be the person that ignites peoples passions, and serves her purpose daily. Living out a life that will bring out the best in me and the people around me. Be a person of spiritual depth and color. Easily and naturally, myself.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
For Drakies third birthday we soared in the warmth of his innocent dreams for hours until he opened his eyes and realized that his party wasn't that day, it was a whole week away. In his three year mind he didn't understand that dreaming didn't make things happen, and he definitely didn't know that they would need to appear through mommies hard work and preparation. But while I tried my best to explain, I couldn't stop his little tears from falling.
Of course I needed to make my boy feel better and for the next week we spent every day on a project. Buying the felt tablecloth. Making the road and gluing together the yellow lines. Setting up the table, placing all the cars, and arranging the napkins. Together we wrapped up the juice boxes, cut out the shapes and went shopping for bendable straws.... until finally his excitement came back.
Little did I know how sentimental he was though. Little did I understand that his cake wasn't meant to be cut or eaten. His balloons weren't blown up to be popped. Or his beautiful room, trashed. And the more his face acted surprised at the destruction of the day, the less fun it was for him. In his little three year old mind he wanted his dream to last. The beautiful and real arrangement of hard work and preparation seemed so pointless to him. And again, he just couldn't understand. So, like mommies do best. I rocked him in my arms and held him for as long as I could.
I knew that despite his disappointments, his heart would race the minute he opened his presents. He would forget the destruction and become part of the party in only a matter of time. And soon after the gifts, he did. Nothing before it mattered anymore, instead he finally let go and enjoyed living in his dream with the sound of laughter that he envisioned.
What dreams are made of, hope.
Friday, January 21, 2011
It seems that I haven't walked into the craft room in weeks but as I looked through my pictures, I came along one that I had forgotten about completely. Here is a photo of my little Drakes, wearing a hat that I made only a few days before Christmas. My favorite part is this vintage, Can pull. It was something I didn't know what to stick on until I was reminded by the verse "All things old will be made new again". Funny how the bible does have the answers for everything, even the new worldly fashion statements. Saving the earth had never been so publicized, and what was going back to the roots with Organic lines has now turned to Eco-friendly choices that push us to make a conscious effort in re-using the old. Well, if the bible is behind this phenomenon, I love it, especially if its vintage---made modern.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I could feel my heart throb inside of me, almost as if it were warning me. Quietly it persisted for days until it penetrated through my whole body and as I searched to understand just a part of it, words just couldn't surface. I felt completely stuck in the pit of my emotions as I wrestling with my mind, jumping to conclusions and debating all the reasons "why". But all I felt was a hurt for something I couldn't even fathome.
This continued through the holidays and into the new year until one sunny day on Sunday.
The sermon hit me hard. Powerfully pouring into the depth of my soul, pinpointing moments in my week of struggle as a week of power. It showed me the day when I recognized attack and proclaimed God's truth instead. It brought up my season of submission to God through the sorrow in my heart. A time when my laughter started to sound purer by the freedom I had in my soul. It reminded me about all my convictions when I studied the word by deserning my thoughts and challenging the intents of my heart. It began to tell me that honesty was powerful and transparency doesn't have faults.
Deeper and deeper God proclaimed his works in me. Reassuring me of my commitments. Securing me by the people he placed beside me. The ones he used everyday as a reminder that he understands, and that he is always there for me. So, as I filled back up on his love and his dedication, I began to realize that this year for Christmas he so much as loved me that he gave. He gave me the gift of being restored. Taking me from a place of self doubt to a place of security. And I recieved it, thankfully.
It was so good to know that he believed in me the whole time I couldn't believe in myself and that even though my Christmas didn't go as planned, it was good to know that I was a part of his plan. That he could use my family, my relatives, and my friends together in the mighty work of his hand.
I remembered that day in the car. The day my heart started to hurt for something I couldn't prepare my self for and it made sense. No one can understand God, and the moment you do is the exact moment you don't. That day, I didn't need to understand him or myself I just needed to live it through long enough so that he could reveal himself in me. And now, I can start this new year stronger then what I was. Better then where I was. Happier then who I was.
If are interested here is the link to the service from our church on Sunday.