Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Love your enemy?

Yesterday, as I was about my regular cleaning routine I kept thinking about God. Yep, just completely in awe by him and his power, his grace and his love for....ME?

I had an enemy for years now and as I stood in the hall of my home I began to see God in it. I began to see how he used my feelings toward her to discover areas in my heart that I wouldn't have before. How he worked in me and used every tear I shed in my battles. Of course, I didn't know it then but yesterday it all made sense.

Each day that she was on my mind, required me to work on myself. Each confrontation, pushed me to understand. And each time I felt I was letting it go the devil would strike again. I think I forgave her every day, just so I could feel relief. There were many times when I literally felt "attacked".

Standing there yesterday I couldn't believe that the person I am today is because of my "enemy". I was amazed at how God could use hatred to change me into a better person and how I blind I was about the situation. I started to remember all the things I said and regret filled my soul. I was so sorry I couldn't take them back and at the same time glad that I could be forgiven.

I wish I could tell you that she is my best friend now, but sadly she is not. Regardless, I am sure she will continue to challenge me for a long time. I know she can stir me up, push all my buttons and question my expectations. In this process I will learn with a new perspective, with a new direction and with a some-what better me, I will welcome it.

Today, I am so excited to close this chapter in my life. For those who don't know me, let me just say that what ever your battle is, it is yours and maybe what you feel is meant to be felt. I was disturbed enough about this in my heart that it consumed me. Each and every day. This is also for those that have had to hear my story, through the years. Thank you for all the advice in a time when felt I had nothing more to give.

What's your situation? Do you think god could be in the middle of it? Think about it.

Let's lift up, hope.

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