Monday, November 26, 2012

Thanksgiving Prayer

This Thanksgiving I had the honor of hosting the Chernichenko family meal and I was very excited about it. As I prepared the table, the food, the desserts, and a few hundred other details. I found myself grateful.

Perhaps it was because my kids and I have been making a list of "100 things we were grateful for" and watching my children write down letters to God can make any parent more appreciative.

Of course I had also looked numerous times at the list. I looked at Derek's countless entries on being able to serve and help others. I thought about Jenny's love for life, creation, and purpose. And then smiled upon Drakes joy in letters, language, and laughter. At the end of it, I was surprised that not one of them said anything about material things. No entries on toys, dresses, Barbies. Nothing on bikes, scooters, or cars. That even without me saying anything at all, they must have some how decided between each other that the most valuable things can not be bought.

I smiled at the thought of my children and the blessings they were to me. I thought about the amount of time I have left with them and the kind of example that I need to be. A person who goes above and beyond for family, because that's what I would want from them. That as I set the table and arranged the flowers, as I baked the cake and tidied the house. That is wasn't only for the people I would be serving, but more so, the way my children will one day delight in inviting to serve me.

Perhaps it was a bit of a daydream, but I enjoyed it. And I enjoyed the evening around the turkey, mashed potatoes, and gravy.

At the end of the evening. Genius and I went on our usual black Friday date. We went and saw a movie and walked around town like we did when we first met. But after the magic of the evening wore off and the almost 30 year old body got tired, I must have also gotten a little cranky.

In the moment between bliss and reality, it suddenly occurred to me that he had still not ordered the plane tickets to Canada. So in the most polite way, I shared my concern and asked him to buy them the minute we got in.

By the time we got in and opened up the computer, it was 5:00am. Our tickets had also doubled in price and I had no other outlet then to blame my husbands procrastination. I was angry and he knew it. And honestly, I was struggling not to do anything that I would regret.

I watched the screen of numbers,I watched the air lines change, the depature dates, and the tabs open up with different search engines on cheap tickets. All of which did not help me with the state I was in. Things like, "I told you so!", "Why did you wait so long?" and "How was he planning to fix this?". Replayed in my mind.

As my circle of blame enlarged. A small voice reminded me of my earlier comment. I had seemed so grateful to God, I had so passionately expressed my gratitude for his grace on all of my problems and mentioned to Him how it easy it was just to give God all of them in exchange for peace.

Right in that very moment I knew that I shouldn't say anything at all to my husband but instead, use my words to pray. And I did. Right there beside the man I was so angry at. I prayed for God to fix the situation and take us back to the previous day when we were so excited to take a trip with the kids and see snow.

As it may, the minute I said "Amen". The screen in front of me changed and instead of being double or triple the amount we needed to spend. It was less! God is Good. And I am so grateful that I can come to Him ALL of the time. When I am angry or happy. He will always be there waiting for the moment I choose Him over my problems and my sometimes enlarged circle of blame.

Thankful for grace, Hope.

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