Wednesday, May 30, 2012

A day in thought

As I was sewing the hood for the stroller, I found myself alone with my thoughts and ambitions. This happens often when I craft and I usually enjoy it. Yesterday, I was remembering a few good friends of mine and the fingerprint that they had made in my life. I had a feeling that I was going in the right direction but I also questioned weather I was living up to what they imparted?

This became a personal goal after I had met a wonderful couple by the names of Mr. and Mrs. Horn. Although the conversation was brief, I couldn't help but notice that not just the exchange of words occurred that day. That even in regular conversation, their passion for God and people had the power to impart Gods love into people. They were liked by many, because they had touched many, and not just by the people they knew, they could walk up to a stranger and make them feel like a life long friend.

What I wanted was to reach certain character goals. To be a women of strength, of kindness, and of compassion. I want to be a person that far exceeds being liked, and instead become a person of influence.

Recently, I received this message. "I just wanted to thank you for being so kind and welcoming at the baby shower, it was a pleasure to meet you! You are full of life and inspiration, it's not often that I get to meet females my age that are willing to reach out to a stranger and make them feel like an old friend.

My heart to make an impression on people happened, even if it was only to this one person, it was a compliment that I was holding onto.

I also thought of Laura Truit. She used Tuesdays as a means to encourage people on Face book, calling it Enouragment Tuesdays. Well, Laura is friends with Beth, and Beth shared that her family draws out a name from a hat,and then, thinks about them. Each person would then write their thoughts on one postcard and she would send it. Both her and her husband believe that this exercise helps teach their children about the voice of God.

Both ladies were the reason that I had began using Face Book to encouage others. I usually use Birthdays as a reason to post messages on people's wall. I was hoping that it would help me break out of a very selfish mentality. And after a couple of weeks, the response I recieved was unexpected.

Almost every post had a similar reply. "Nadia, I am literally sitting at my desk right now and crying, good crying:)"

I couldn't believe how people were being touched just because someone really thought about them. I couldn't have expected my messages to have the power to be experiences with God, but I was grateful that they could.

By then, I had wasted a whole morning on the project, Mikka was awake from her nap, Drake was patiently waiting for his lunch, even I was hungry. Luckily, my hood was coming along nicely. I was making sure to measure a lot, and cut only after fittings. All in all, it seemed promising so I took a break and went to tame the three growling tummies.

In the meantime, between making my lunch, I recieved a call. It was a close friend of mine that I had been praying a lot for. She had some coincidences happen to her that day and she wanted my help in making some sense of them.

It all started when she was getting ready to throw away some garbage. She was looking for a big enough bag to fit all of her recyclable bottles. Upon finding one, she opened it up. It was black, deep and dark, like most of the garbage bage we use, but somehow the silver words on the journal shone. When she picked it up, she realized that it was the Life journal that I had given to her years ago. When she opened up the book, she read the message that I written to her. "Sometimes when it feels like your world is coming to an end, it it acually when it begins. God knew that you wouldn't have a plan, that you wouldn't know what to do. It is for that reason that He has one ready".Tears, Streaming. Heart, Aching. She realized that although she was in a different dilema, she was in the exact same emotional state. The state of hopelessness, guilt, and fear, hadnt left her. She flipped the page to find her entry. She had only made one, titled, "Help me". It was written back in October of 2008. She wrote in the next available page. "Save me". It was as if she already knew that her answer lied in the reading plan, and She flipped to it, scrolling her finger down to yesterdays date. May 29th 2012. Proverbs 10:1-13. With a small empty box beside it, she knew it was waiting for her to read it.

That was when my phone rang. It rang because she didn't have a bible and I did. It rang because she wanted to hear the voice of God. It rang because she wanted someone to tell her that she will be okay. It rang because she wanted to believe that He had a greater plan for her life, than she does.

Yesterday, she was the one that helped me confirm that He does. That each of my desires started by being His desires for me first, and that as I am trying to speak less and listen more He is able to use it. The Facebook posts have become a training ground for me, to teach me to listen to Him first and trust it to impart His love to people. And some how, believing for her helps me believe for me too.

Don't you ever want to be better than the person you are? I do, and i believe that you do too. So...not even for a minute think that you are different than me. Each of us have the same questions, we hold the same fears, and swallow the same disappointment. Each of us, is trying to make the most of what we have, hold our head above water, and swim to an unknown shore. Each of us also need each other. We need to be encouraged, loved, and cared for by the people surrounding our lives.

Don't you ever want to be better than the person you are? I do:)

Monday, May 28, 2012

Third times a charm

It's the end of the day and I sit here alone. The stillness soothes my tierd body and i embrace the small moment of rest. By the hand on the clock, I know that I should close my eyes. But yet here I lie in the softness of my sheets, thinking about the events of my day and the impact that James had on me.

I opened the bible to the verse that was trying to speak to me. The words seemed to make more sense, and i enjoyed the conversation with my God. Be patient. He said. See here, how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. Today, you were the farmer. Your dedication and patience, pleased me. And I had favor over your day. Just as I had favor on the farmer, so that when he prayed,the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced crops. (James 5:7, 18 NIV)

I felt loved by him. I felt like he had appreciated my hard work and really understood me. To him it didn't matter that they were cookies, what mattered was that I kept making them no matter how many times they had failed me. These moments challenged me to regain my strength in starting over, regain my patience in being precise, and regain the hope I had lost in myself.

From the goodness of a heart, good outcomes follow. But with the grace of God it can become a great success.


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Let loose...foot loose

Sometimes in life, their is more room for feelings then their is for words. Their is more times of trial then their is for triumph, and sometimes their is more doubt then faith.

Loosing our home happens to be the story of my life right now. Going through the emotions feels like a rollar coaster at times, probably because I am not so great at letting go and letting God. I want answers and he asks me to wait. I want results and he tells me "it's not time". I want a plan and he tells me to trust.

Although I appreciate the encouragement from the many wonderful people in my life, it hurts me to say that, no words can make our situation better. Many days I worry if my motives are even pure and if my desires are Devine. Have I lived a life for God? Or have I lived more for my own pleasure?The battle between right and wrong, replay in my mind, until that one day, last week. When He asked me to "Let go".

I believe he told me that for me, Letting go, is eye opening and heart transforming. It is a moment of choice between worry or peace, between controling the situation or rolling with it. It's about seeing life differently and living differently. The difference between trusting yourself and trusting God. It's the choice between staying or leaving, holding or releasing, the tight grasp of my identity.

I tried to let go, desperately seeking for the peace that I had hoped for. Desperatly, wanting the moment to feel differently than It did. But instead I got something else.I got a phone call from my friend to tell me that she got healed from arthritis. I got a praise report from a family that had been searching for a home "nothing short of a miracle" they stated. It continued. One testimony after another. But it wasn't until I saw the rainbow that it began to make sense to me.

A rainbow that day, declared Gods promise to me. A promise that as actively as he is working in the lives if my friends He is actively working out the details in mine. And letting go, is decision that I needed to make instead of waiting around for the right feeling.

I believe he has a plan, yet their are days when it just doesn't feel like it.Hope.